New Year, Similar Me.

2018 was a bummer year. Plain and simple, it was incredibly hard to get through for a number of reasons. And as it comes to a close, there is much to reflect on and plan for in the upcoming year.

And in all my reflecting (maybe like, a few hours), I decided that I have one resolution: Just. Keep. Going.

2018 was a bummer year, but we made it through. I made it through. After years of struggling with depression, with the encouragement of my friends and family, I finally talked to my doctor about antidepressants. I now take them regularly, and there are many things I’ve done this year that I would not have done if I didn’t have them. They don’t cure depression, obviously, but they’re definitely balancing whatever chemicals they’re supposed to be balancing, which allows me to make moves and take chances that I used to find incredibly difficult. I made it through some pretty low times, and have some pretty incredible highs. I’m in graduate school, I have a full time job (that I was promoted to within a year of starting!), a second part time job, and I’m closer with my family than I’ve been in a long time. I actually want to leave my bed and house to see my friends. I don’t shove headphones in my ears whenever I’m in public. This is big.

So why strive for anything more?

I guess that’s a bad question. I should always strive for more. And I do. But for right now, I just want this to continue. Because as it continues, it’ll only get better. I’ve learned a lot about who I am in the past year. I’ve learned a lot about how strong I can be in the past year. Safe to say, I’ve just learned a lot. And I want to just keep learning.

I want to keep going because I know that 13-year-old me would absolutely love to watch herself achieve the dream of studying writing. I want to keep going because 18-year-old me would kill to know that the difficult times in college were worth something in the end. I want to keep going because 30 year old me will probably love to know that I did.

The next few years will bring their own hardships; I know this. School will be more challenging, work is bound to be stressful, and my relationships with the world around me won’t always be steady. But through it all—with a can-do attitude and a little help from 1.5 pills a day—I plan to get through it.

I am going to keep going. Just. Keep. Going.